


I'm Here to Stay

by Cathyk



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathyk/pseuds/Cathyk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has be alone in the forest for two months, when Lexa shows up to save Clarke's life. (Focus is on Clexa)</p><p>The moment Lexa realizes what the blonde is doing, her mask drops instantly and her eyes go wide with shock and fear. "Clarke, don't!" she yells.</p><p>Comments and suggestions are appreciated :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)

Clarke knew she was being selfish the moment she walked away from Bellamy at the gates. But she also knew that seeing the faces of the surviving 100 everyday would be a constant reminder of what she had to sacrifice to save them. A reminder of who she became the moment she pulled that lever. A reminder that she can never just be Clarke again. A reminder that she was just a girl who was forced to grow up much too fast.

It's been two months since the fall of Mount Weather.Two months since she walked away from her people. Ever since landing on the ground Clarke was no stranger to pain. But she would rather suffer from 1000 cuts than have to endure the relentless and insufferable guilt of killing all the innocents, children, and families in Mount Weather. Despite this truth, something inside of her is telling her that she deserves to suffer for what she did. Maybe she deserves to wake up crying every night from her horrifying nightmares. The endless aching inside her chest is not only for the lives she's taken but also for Lexa's... no, the Commander's betrayal. How foolish was Clarke for thinking she could trust her. That she could be with her. That she could love Lexa and that she could love Clarke back.

After wandering aimlessly through the woods by foot, Clarke found a comfortable area to settle down near a small stream. She had used her limited earth skills to gather leaves and branches and tie them together with rope from her bag to build a makeshift shelter for herself. A few feet away, she collected rocks to form a fire pit in order to build fires for warmth and to cook food. But that was a problem. Clarke had been surviving off berries for the past couple of weeks. For the first moth she had used her gun to hunt for food, mostly rabbits. But 3 weeks ago, she ran out of bullets. She tried hunting with a spear she made, which was pretty much just a sharp stick, but she had no luck. After a few days of unsuccessful hunting trips with her spear, Clarke was desperate for food so she took her changes on bush with berries. She had hesitantly popped one into her mouth the first time. Her eyes were closed tightly and her whole body was tense. She was hoping that it wasn't poisonous, and to her thankfully it wasn't. Since she had surviving on berries the for the past few weeks, she was weak.

One afternoon Clarke went to the bush she normally picked her berries, but to her dismay they were all gone. Some animal must have come and eaten them all. Shit. Clarke thought. Now what was she supposed to do. She wandered around for a good 20 minutes before she came across another bush. However these berries were different. Unlike the others, they were bright cherry red. Clarke looked around and saw no other food sources in sight so she just thought, fuck it. She picked a berry, but just before she could put it in her mouth, she heard a voice that sent chills down her back.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Clarke"

It was Lexa.

Clarke turned around and looked at the woman standing in front of her. She was frozen in place and didn't know what to do. Then she had an idea. Her face must have shown something because Lexa gave her the slightest quirk of her eyebrow. Clarke reached in her bag and pulled out her gun. She looked at Lexa with a stoic expression and pointed it directly at the woman who betrayed her. The woman who broke her heart and said, "If I were you, I would leave, Commander" Almost anyone would miss the faintest hint of hurt that Lexa showed in her eyes when Clarke called her commander, but just as quickly as her emotions slipped up, they disappeared.

Clarke watched Lexa closely, but apart from Lexa's hurt expression, she saw nothing that indicated fear. That's when Lexa spoke once again. " Clarke. I know you are upset, but please drop those berries, they are highly poisonous and will kill you if you eat them"

"What? Now you want to save my life? Where were you when I was at mount weather? You left me to die! And now you care?" Clarke spat back angrily. Deep down Clarke knows Lexa did the right thing for her people and that she does care about her. Clarke watched as the commander let her see pieces of Lexa, but Lexa showing up here and now infuriates her to no end.

"I do care Clarke. I've always cared." Lexa stated in a calm voice

"Why are you here?"

"I came to find you and see how you are" Lexa said, once again with her emotionless mask in place.

"I'm fine, okay. You can leave now" the blonde said with annoyance in her tone.

"Well clearly you are not okay. You were about to die once you ate those berries" Lexa said, motioning with her head the the food in Clarke's hand

Clarke's blood was boiling at this point. How dare Lexa come find her after what she did. She isn't ready to face anyone. Not yet. So Clarke points the gun at Lexa's head and says, "Leave, before I make you leave"

Lexa glares at Clarke as simply says, "If you wish to kill me, then do it. However I doubt you will have such success with an empty gun"

Clarke looks at the brunette with questioning eyes until understanding crosses her features. "How long have you been following me?"

"About a week" the brunettes says, as if it were completely normal.

Clarke has nothing left the say the person she wan't to see the least in the world, but then she has an idea. Slowly she starts raising the poisonous berry to her mouth. "So, you say you care about me? Let's see." Clarke says as she continues to raise the berry to her lips. (she has no intention of killing herself, she just want to see what Lexa will do.)

The moment Lexa realizes what the blonde is doing, her mask drops instantly and her eyes go wide with shock and fear. "Clarke, don't!" she yells, but doesn't move. She doesn't want to provoke her. The berry is just an inch away from her mouth and she says in a quiet whisper, " is this what it will take to make you feel the pain you caused me" Clarke raises the berry so it's almost touching her lips. She wants to see how far she can push. And that's when Lexa snaps. She lunges forward before Clarke can even process what is happening. Before she knows it, she is on her back lying on the ground with Lexa straddling her hips with her hands pinned to the ground. The girl on top is looking into eyes that seem to contain every blue she has seen in the sky. Lexa stares into those eyes until her heavy breathing falls back into rhythm. Looking at the beautiful girl beneath her, she says " I will not walk away this time."


	2. I hate you (because I still love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wants to hate Lexa, but she can't. 
> 
> Comments and suggestions are always appreciated :) thanks!

Clarke lets out a cold, bitter laughter and looks at the girl hovering above her with harsh eyes. " I won't give you another chance to walk away,  _Commander_ " she spits back. Despite her best efforts, she cannot keep the hurt and betrayal she feels from being expressed through her eyes.

Looking down at the girl pinned beneath her with soft eyes, she simply says, "This is not what I wanted, Clarke." The gentleness of Lexa's voice takes Clarke by surprise. The blonde desperately wants to believe the words coming out of her mouth, but she can't. She won't let herself feel that kind of betrayal again. The kind that shattered her heart, and burned the pieces. The kind that makes her wake up screaming, begging Lexa to stay and fight. The kind that leaves her drowning in her own sorrow. The kind that she cannot bear much longer. 

Clarke tries to focus on slowing down her racing heart and looks up. "What _do_  you want, Lexa?"

Silence fills the air as Lexa looks down at Clarke. She waits for an answer, but it doesn't come. Lexa slowly moves to get off Clarke with the grace of a warrior. Once she is standing, she turns her head so Clarke cannot see her face.

"You. I want you" she practically whispers. That is all the brunette manages to say before a tear threatens to roll down her cheek. She inhales deeply trying to contain her emotions, but fails.

Clarke's stomach tingles at Lexa's reply, and she hates herself for it. She should hate Lexa. 

_But she doesn't_

_She doesn't,_

_she doesn't._

When the brunette finally turns around, she offers her hand to Clarke, who hesitantly accepts the offer. As she makes her way to stand, she looks into Lexa's eyes. Shit. Those eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that are looking right back at her. Those eyes express so much sadness and regret that Clarke has to look away, but she can't.

They stand like that for a few long moments, when suddenly, Clarke becomes very aware of Lexa's hand in hers and the heat that it causes to course through her body like electricity. She quickly pulls back and clears her throat. Hers eyes dart from left to right, trying to avoid eye contact when Lexa's voice breaks the silence. 

"what do you want, Clarke?" she says in that same soft voice, that Clarke knows is only used for her. 

"I. I don't know" she replies honestly, while looking at her feet.

"I just, I can't go back to Camp Jaha. I'm not ready." she adds.

Clarke watches as Lexa takes a hesitant step forward. When Clarke doesn't back away, Lexa slowly raises her hand to Clarke's chin and uses her index finger to tilt her head up, so once again, blue eyes are looking into green.

"Will you come to Polis with me?" she says with a hint of hope in her hushed voice.

It isn't a command. It's a question. Clarke pauses, not sure what to say. She knows she can't survive here by herself. So she silently nods her head, yes. She doesn't miss the way, Lexa exhales deeply, as if she were holding her breath. Clarke tells herself she only said yes because it's the only way she will survive. She tells herself she isn't doing this because of Lexa. 

_It's a lie_

It takes a while to realize that they are still standing toe to toe, looking into each others eyes. Lexa swallows hard and is the first to take a step back. The blonde is startled when she hears Lexa speak with her stoic mask in place once again. 

"Polis is two days walk away. We will rest at your camp area tonight, and start walking tomorrow"

Clarke nods her head in agreement and begins walking forward, until she's interrupted by Lexa clearing her throat.

She turns around and looks at the the taller girl with raised eyebrows. "what?" she asks, annoyance evident in her voice. (she may not hate Lexa, but she's tired and weak and it doesn't mean she likes her)

Lexa points to the left. "your camp is that direction" she says with a hint of amusement in her voice.

Clarke's cheeks flush pink in embarrassment before quietly mumbling "I knew that" while striding past Lexa. The blonde swore she saw a smirk on her face, but she chose to ignore it.  

20 minutes later, when they arrive back at camp, Clarke lets out a heavy sigh before sitting down under her makeshift shelter made of twigs and leaves. Lexa takes a seat across from Clarke on the other side of the fire pit, to give her some space.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Lexa looks up at the sun's position in the sky and notes that its almost time for the evening meal. She breaks the tension in the air by saying "I'll find us something to eat. You make the fire." With that, the taller one picks of Clarke's hunting stick and walks off towards the nearby stream to catch some fish. But before she's out of view, she quickly turns around and adds, "don't eat any berries".

Clarke huffs in annoyance, but she can't resist the small tug at the corner of her lips. 

The blonde stands up and walks around, gathering small branches and twigs from the forest floor. Once she's satisfied with her collection, she kneels down beside the pit and begins rubbing two sticks together. It takes longer than it should, but within 10 minutes, smoke rises and the leaves catch fire. Before long, she takes a step back to admire the decent fire before her.

She takes her seat once again, but rises soon after to check how Lexa is doing with the fish. She makes her way down to the stream, stepping over rocks and ducking under trees until she comes to a stop when she sees the brunette standing with her feet in the water, looking in down with focus. She decides to stay back, as not to disrupt her concentration. She waits patiently for a few moments before Lexa throws her stick into the water faster than Clarke's eyes can follow. Sure enough, when Lexa pulls back, theres a fish on the end of the spear.

  
"You can come closer" Lexa says as she takes the fish off, and adds it to her pile.

Clarke is surprised. How did she know I was watching? But as if the brunette knew what she was thinking, she continued by saying " You should learn to walk properly. The ground is your home now" Clarke wants to be offended, but she knows Lexa is right. Instead she walks forward until she's at the waters edge. She takes off her shoes and takes a step to enter the water, when she hears "careful, the rocks are slippery". But it's too late. Clarke slips and is about to fall face first into the water when Lexa grabs Clarke's arm. Despite the brunette's strength, the momentum is too much and both girls end up falling in.

When Clarke resurfaces, she feels light. Lighter than she has in the past two months. The water is cold, but refreshing. The blonde lets out a laugh and looks at Lexa who now has brown hair covering her face, and she laughs even more.  

Lexa has never heard a more beautiful sound, than the one coming from Clarke. She brushes the hair out of her eyes so she can see the blonde, and she smiles. A full, honest, ear to ear smile. 

When they get out of the water, Lexa grabs the fish and they walk back to camp. But by the time they get there, the fire has burnt out and both women are shivering in their wet clothes. 

Clarke frowns and moves to rebuild it, but Lexa stops her with a hand on her arm. She kneels beside the pit and has the fire going in less than a minute.  _Of course_  Clarke thinks. 

She watches the brunette as she begins taking off her clothes, and her eyes go wide. Lexa begins by taking off her top layers, one by one until she's left in a simple black top. The she reaches for the hem of her shirt and slowly peels is off, revealing her tanned skin and her toned stomach. Before Clarke can get used to the sight, Lexa begins undoing her pants. Clarke's breathing becomes deeper as she watches Lexa slowly shimmy our of her wet pants, until she steps out of them and places them on a rock. The blonde is left looking at the commander in her bra and underwear and Clarke tries to avert her eyes, but she can't. _Shit. She's gorgeous._

Clarke is brought out her daze, by Lexa clearing her throat. Clarke looks up, embarrassed for staring, but the brunette seems unfazed.

"Undress"

"what?" the blonde asks, shocked

"You will get sick if you do not undress" the brunette states

"Oh. Oh right. Okay. Can you turn around" she replies

Lexa rolls her eyes, but accepts that sky people have different customs, so she turns around.

Clarke undresses as quickly and quietly as she can, laying each article of clothing flat on the ground to speed up the drying process. She doesn't really know what to do, but she can't expect Lexa to look away the whole night, so she says shyly, "um, okay. I guess you can turn around now"

Lexa turns around and her breath hitches. She tries not to stare, but finds it impossible to tear her gaze away from Clarke's body. Her milky skin and curves make her heart pound hard in her chest. 

After dinner Clarke returns to her shelter, while Lexa stays beside the fire pit, both still only in their underclothes. The blonde pulls out a blanket from her bag to cover her body, and revels in the newfound warmth. She begins to fall asleep when she hears a noise. She sits up and to better identify the source, and see's Lexa laying on her side shivering.

Before she can stop herself, she hears herself calling the brunette;s name. "Lexa"

The brunette turns to face Clarke and sits up. "Yes, Clarke?"

Clarke doesn't respond, just lifts her blanket indicating Lexa to join her. But Lexa is stubborn and shakes her head.

"I'm fine"

"you're shivering"

"I'll be okay"

"Stop being stubborn and get over here" Clarke says with finality

Finally Lexa complies. She stands up and walks towards Clarke,  but before she lies down, she asks, "are you sure"

Clarke thinks for a second before nodding her head. She may not like Lexa, but she doesn't want her to freeze to death. Lexa gets under the blanket and  exhales in relief. The women fall asleep, to the sound of each others steady breathing. 

When they wake up, Lexa is lying on her back and Clarke's arm is draped over her stomach with her head resting on the brunettes chest. Clarke tells herself it's only for warmth. She tells herself its not because she enjoys laying in Lexa's arms.

 _It's a lie._  

 


	3. Every Time You Walk Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Clarke's turn to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the new chapter! 
> 
> Comments and suggestions are always appreciated! :)
> 
> (Sorry it took a while, summer school is kinda crazy. I'll try to be better in August.)

People weren't meant to live in solitude, which is why Clarke can't help but take comfort in the warmth of the brunette laying beside her. She watches as Lexa's chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, admiring her toned abdomen and tanned skin. The brunette's features are soft, making her look younger, but even in her sleep, Lexa emanates power. The blonde scolds herself for wishing the brunettes was awake, so she could look into her eyes. The ones which seem to embody the entire beauty of the forest.

Clarke slips out of Lexa's arms and walks towards the middle of camp, stretching her arms out with a small moan. She closes her eyes and tilts her chin up, taking pleasure in the way the warm sun hits her body. She stays like that for a few moments, unaware that Lexa is now awake and has her green eyes on Clarke. The blonde takes a deep breath in and lets out a small smile as she exhales.  _I can survive this,_ she thinks for the first time since pulling that lever and abandoning her people.

The blonde lets out another quiet moan with a final stretch as she opens her eyes, and slowly walks over to her clothes that are spread across the ground. Unfortunately, the only piece of clothing that dried overnight was her shirt, the others were still damp because of their thicker material. Clarke lets out a huff of annoyance as she pulls her shirt over her head, but is thankful that it is long enough to cover just above her upper thighs.

Still unaware of Lexa's eyes following her movements, Clarke begins walking around camp, bending down to pick up small sticks and twigs that she can use to make a fire. She's hoping Lexa will go to the stream to catch fish for breakfast, because dinner last night was a very welcome change from the berries she had been living off of for the past few weeks.   

Once Clarke is satisfied with her small pile of wood, she crouches down beside the fire pit and picks up two sticks to make the fire. After a few tries, she sees smoke rise to the air, so she throws on a few small twigs and lightly blows into the small flame. She tends to the fire for a few moments, before a voice breaks her concentration.

"Good morning Clarke" the brunette says, in a light tone, as she stands up and walks past Clarke towards her clothes.

Startled by the voice, Clarke briefly tenses, until she sees Lexa walk by. The blonde's eyes are drawn to Lexa's long, toned legs that flex as she walks. Clarke's eyes drift up her body and land on the various tattoos that cover her back. Somehow Lexa's markings and scars make her even more beautiful, and Clarke doesn't hate herself for thinking so. Because she can deny that she doesn't like Lexa, but she can't deny the brunette's overwhelming beauty. 

Clarke doesn't realize she's staring until Lexa starts pulling on her shirt that covers her back.

"Morning" she says, once she is able to speak again.

 Lexa turns around and picks up the spear from the ground.

"Are you hungry?"

Clarke's stomach grumbles in response, making Lexa smirk.

"Come." she says

Clarke stands and follows Lexa and both girls silently make their way to the small body of water. As they arrive, the brunette hands the spear to Clarke and motions with her head towards the water.

"Are you serious?" the blonde asks skeptically.

The brunette nods. Clarke hesitates, but eventually grabs the spear and slowly makes her way to the edge of the stream, but before entering, she turns back to look at Lexa once more. 

"Go" the brunette commands lightly. "And try not to fall" she adds.

Clarke rolls her eyes, but turns her head to hide the small smile that escapes her. The blonde carefully walks forward until the water is up to her shins. When she spots a fish swimming near her feet, she lifts the spear and ungracefully jabs at the water. Not to her surprise, she comes up with nothing. As she frowns, she spots a second one to her left and she tries again with the same rigid movements, coming up empty handed once again. It goes on like that for a while, stiff movements and the same outcome, before she gets frustrated and just glares at the water.

"Shut up" she says.

"I have said nothing Clarke" the brunette replies.

"Yeah, well I can feel you laughing" she says dryly.

Before replying, Lexa slowly walks up behind Clarke and places a light hand on her shoulder.

"May I show you?" 

Clarke is too focused on Lexa's hand on her skin and the heat it causes to spread through her body to gather words; instead she nods and tries to avoid  eye contact. 

The blonde's heart starts beating faster as Lexa closes the distance between them, placing a gentle hand on her waist, and holding the spear over Clarke's hand.  

All Clarke can focus on is the electricity that courses through her body at the contact. 

"You must be more fluid in your movements" the brunette says in an even tone.

Then, Lexa pulls their arms back together and swiftly brings them forward, telling Clarke when to release. When Clarke pulls up the spear, she lets out a genuine smile when she sees the fish. After her initial excitement fades, she becomes very aware of the fact that Lexa is still holding her, and she loves it. She tells herself it's just because she's been alone for two months. It's because she's lonely.

_It's a lie._

_S_ _he loves Lexa's contact; the hand on her waist and the brunette's warm breathes against her neck._

Suddenly Clarke 's body jerks, causing Lexa to take a step back. The memories come back. They always come back. Reoccurring flashbacks of faces and bodies of people she killed and abandoned flood her mind. Her eyes dart from left to right in fear, her breathing picks up at an unsteady rate and her heart pounds in her chest so hard she can hear it in her ears. With each heartbeat, a new face blurs her vision.

_Bellamy._

_Maya._

_Jasper._

The pain is relentless. Each new face, like a knife in her heart.  

Clarke stumbles backwards, as she desperately gasps for air that won't enter her lungs. She tries to shake the memories away, but they only get more vivid.

"No." she says quietly.

"No" this time louder.

"No!" this time she lets out a hoarse cry filled with anguish.

Before she knows what's happening, she feels firm arms wrap around her and hears a soft hushing in her ear.

"Clarke, breathe" says a calm voice, laced with concern.

Clarke struggles, trying to free herself from the grasp, but she is too weak and Lexa is too strong.

"Please, just breathe" she whispers.

It takes a while for Clarke to calm down, but when she does, her body stiffens as Lexa holds her. The brunette notices her tense, so she takes takes a step back, trying to hide the hurt from her eyes.

"I was wrong. I can't do this" the blonde says as she exist the water.

Before she can get too far, a gentle, but firm hand on her wrist stops her. Clarke knows she's not stronger than Lexa, so turns around, "What do you want Lexa" she snaps harshly.

It takes a moment, but when Lexa regains her stoic mask she speaks, "I told you Clarke."

"You can't just expect me to forgive you. You left my people like we were nothing. Like  _I_ was nothing, so don't tell me you care."

"I thought you understood. My life is not my own, it belongs to my people Clarke." she replies, desperately trying to make Clarke understand.

Clarke tries to walk away, but Lexa keeps her grasp firm.

"I do care Clarke. In order to stay loyal to my people, I had to betray yours. I couldn't fight _with_ you in battle, but I will fight  _for_ you. I am here to stay. I promise you that"

The blonde lets out a huff of air, "For how long?" she asks, causing Lexa to furrow her eyebrows, not understanding.

"How long will you stay with me until you leave me again." she clarifies. _  
_

Silence.

"Your word means nothing to me. Not anymore." Lexa still doesn't release her wrist.

"Please. I want you Clarke" she says with such tenderness, that Clarke is forced to finally look up.

As always, her eyes are immediately drawn to Lexa's. She searches the brunettes eyes and sees sincerity and truth. It breaks her heart. Clarke shifts her gaze to the left, trying to avoid the flood of emotions in Lexa's eyes.

"Maybe I don't want you" she whispers.  _It's a lie._

A moment of deafening silence passes between them before Lexa loosens her grip, and Clarke pulls away.

The blonde's heart sinks a little lower with every step she takes away from Lexa.

"Where are you going?" Lexa calls out being her, failing to hide the emotion from her voice.

Clarke turns her head slightly, and her chest tightens at seeing the pain cross Lexa's face, "you were right. Maybe life should be about surviving. Maybe we don't deserve anything more." 

Then she turns back around and disappears into the cover of the trees. She walks away from Lexa, because she knows that she could not bear it if Lexa walks away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any suggestions where you would like the story to go?
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)


End file.
